Book 1: Break Up

Note; this was a real story of a two Bi-male who fell in love and got hurt. All character’s names were changed for private purposes.

What was the most common way of breaking up to you? Mine was very different. I guess all break ups are all the same, it's painful and they all give us tears.

I have been in a relationship for almost (5) years. Brad and I are so inlove to each other. hugs and kisses almost every minute, living together, and laughing together. There were no dull moments when we are together. But everything changed. I didn't expect that this would come. Well, I did, but not like this.

A month before our 5th anniversary, and am planning for our anniversary date. This time I want it more different so I asked Brad to give me his 10 fave songs and on the tenth song, write the title of the song of what he really feels for me now, and then I asked him to write it down in a piece of paper and don't show it to me and then seal it. I talked to my friend who owns a bar somewhere in Quezon City, I told him the details of the anniversary celebration plans and give him the piece of paper that Brad used to write his fave songs. I told my friend to tell the singer to sing all those songs during the celebration and sing our theme song before the Brad's last song selection. And everything is all set now for our anniversary date.

Days had passed and I didn't see any changes with us. Everything is still the same, I guess. he still cooks breakfast for me, kisses me before he slips, rub his foot on my foot, makes the same taste of coffee and says I love you the whole day. its all the same. and I never get used to it, I still feel so in love just like before.

Two days before our anniversary, I was looking for the best gift for Brad. Just like any other celebrations that we had, it takes a lifetime for me to decide and look for THE GIFT. Compared to Brad, he knows what to give to me, he knows what I want without asking me. Finally, I found THE GIFT. 

I remember Brad telling me about the new Nintendo Wii, I just don't like buying it for him, because knowing Brad he'll be hooked up with it again and he will start complaining having sleepless nights again. But because I love Brad so much, I bought it. I asked the salesman to wrap it and place it in inside a bigger box so that he wouldn't guess it fast. I called Brad's sister to keep the gift first until our anniversary.

Everything is all set now, the resto, the food, the guests, the singer, Brad, and I. We were on our way to the resto, Brad was driving the car that time. He held my hand and said "You are the biggest achievement that I have, I Love You". I almost cried that time because of what he just said to me. Brad is one of the sweetest person I've ever known in my entire life.

He is my life, my everything, my heaven, and my earth, the air that I breathe, the sun in my day. Everything is too perfect between us.

We reached the resto, the music started playing. The place was lighten up by candles and decorated with lilies on top of each tables, it's Brad's fave flower. Love was in the air that time. Our close friends were there, jis sisters and his mom, my parents were also there to celebrate with us. I was shivering with nervousness and cold. he held my hand so tight and said "This is the sweetest thing you have done for me, I love you babe". I got teary eyes as we walk down to our table. As we sat down the singer started singing Brad's 1st song selection.

"IT MIGHT BE YOU"

He held my hand so tight. He looked at me and then he smiled at me. A one sweet smile. Then the next song, "FOR ALL OF MY LIFE". Then the 3rd song "HOW DID YOU KNOW".

As his song lists continues to be sang by the singer, I can feel so much love coming out from me. Now, the singer started singing our theme song.

"I FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE"

He asked me to stand up and started dancing. The song was almost going to end, then he suddenly hugged me tight and kissed me. as the last song plays, I see tears falling down on his cheeks, I asked him why is he crying. I saw the people around us shocked faces.  that was the time I noticed the song that the singer was singing.

I stopped from dancing with him, and its like am nailed down on the floor. I cant move, It's like am drowning, and about to die.

"Pansin mo ba ang pagbabago? Di matitigan ang iyong mga mata Tila di na nananabik Sa iyong yakap at halik Sana'y malaman mo Hindi sinasadya Kung ang nais ko ay maging Malaya"

My tears started to roll down my cheeks, My world just had stopped from spinning and it collapses faster than I thought.

He hugged me so tight, he keeps on saying "Babe, I am sorry" words that cuts me everytime he is saying it.

I have no words to utter, tears keep on falling down my eyes. i was just starring blankly.

Why? Why was he saying sorry and what was the song all about?

He was whispering and telling me “babe, am sorry but I need too, I really need too, I need my life back, I need my life back without you with it, I just simply need it”.

God! Why? Did I do something wrong bad and that’s why am having this right now?

I didn’t cheat, I didn’t lose my love to him, I didn’t do anything to him wrong for him to ask his life back.

Why? Why?

Almost everyone comforted and sympathized with me and soon left me alone, even Brad.

After what happened that night, I felt I was alone; yes it’s true I was alone, all alone. I wanted to be alone, I need to be alone, I have to be alone.

I have nowhere to go, I don’t know where will my feet bring me, or lead me, but it’s just telling me to keep on walking.

Blanked eyes blurred thoughts, waterfall tears, and a bleeding heart. I don’t know where to start, I don’t know why do I have to start, five (5) years? Why? How?

It was 8am when I went back home, I took a bath, and slept with my mind as murky as a swamp. I woke up around 9am the following day, with my eyes swollen from crying.

Brad’s not yet at home. Did he go home yesterday? Yeah, he didn’t go home at all.

I packed my stuff and left the house. I left my keys, my other stuff and even my heart.

I went to San Pablo, Laguna that day, I need to get out from the pain, I intentionally turned off my phones so that no one can contact me. Am so ashamed of myself because of what happened. Even to my parents. A vacation that is really away from the world that I used to have when I was still with Brad.

As weeks had passed, I thought I already moved on, and its time for me to go back to reality. I need to look for a new house so that I wouldn’t see Brad and remember everything with us.

Honestly, I never asked Brad why he broke up with me; I don’t have any courage to do that.

I went to our old pad, It didn’t change a bit, things are unmoved and Brad’s scent was still there, I took all my clothes that I left. Its been three (3) weeks since I didn’t go home but I still feel that I don’t belong here anymore.

Five months after, I still don’t know the reason, why Brad broke up with me. I still don’t show myself to our friends, I even deleted all my net accounts and changed my number.

I know that I have already moved on from what happened. I think so. But it still haunts me down.

I was in Podium in Ortigas, strolling around, alone when I saw Brad, he was with a guy, and I think there together, I mean they are partners now, they were walking towards my direction. I pretended that I didn’t see them, but Brad noticed me.

“Babe” – he shouted.

Oh crap! What the F! babe? After with what you did to me you still have the balls to call me BABE?! Those are the thoughts running inside my head that time. And because am too nice, I stopped and smiled back to them.

“Val, this is Raymond, Raymond this is Val”

“So, your Val, its nice to finally meet you Val”, says Raymond

“Wow, flattered, I didn’t know that I have a fan” I sarcastically replied. ‘anyway, I need to go now, nice seeing you again Brad, and nice meeting you Raymond”.

As I walked away from them, my tears started to shed, It still hurts, why did he move on that fast, Why?

That was the last time I saw Brad.

After that I got my job offer in Australia, and flew there as soon as I received it. I never had a chance to see my friends and told them my side of story. I have been here in Melbourne, Australia for a year now, and started a new life, filled with hopes to find a new love again.